well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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