i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
