She said her name was "party"
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
