She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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