Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
