Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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