I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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