meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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