But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
