you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
