If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
