I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Are we still banned from the library?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
