I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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