Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
