Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
