you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
