The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
