so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
