Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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