When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
