question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
