He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm having to shit out rocks
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
