i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
