If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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