No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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