Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
