This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
