You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
