she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
