Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
