You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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