There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
