I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
