Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
