Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize