i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
