I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
