a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
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He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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