I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize