chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
