I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
