my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just want to make out with him forever
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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