3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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