I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
