my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
