apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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