So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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