M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
