she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
you had me at cake vodka
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
