walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize