The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
