I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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