you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
not ubering you a puppy
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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