I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
