I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
