youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
