Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
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