Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
